This one really hits home for me. It all started right here. One day I just started feeding into negativity. The news, conspiracy theories. It was interesting at the time and great conversation. Over the next few weeks I started to worry about some of the things I was reading and watching on TV. I started to believe some of these things could actually happen.
Honestly I couldn’t shake it and it started to take a tole on me. I started getting headaches on both sides of my head, like a tight band around my head. Was I stressing over physical symptoms? I started to google my symptoms. Why is it almost every time we google something the word cancer comes up? For me this was a very sensitive topic being a cancer survivor.
I had lost my mother and father in 2002 and 2003 a year apart from brain cancer. I can remember my mother’s headaches were so bad she use to tie things around her head so she could relief the pressure.
With all this in mind, I was sure I had brain cancer. That it had come back and spread to my brain.
Symptoms Got Worse
I walked around for about three months with these headaches on both sides of my temples. From the moment I got up to the moment I went to bed, they stayed with me. Then I started getting headaches on the right side of my head. These were much worse, demobilizing. I told myself these were migraines and despite my fear of my cancer returning I decided it was time to see my doctor.
I felt a little better after seeing my Doctor, he suspected they might be migraines and gave me some medication for it. After about two weeks of the medication not working, I was in bed worrying about my symptoms and googling my pain. I felt a little dizzy and tried to stand up. The room started spinning and I sat down on the bed and texted my wife. She came up and helped me to the car. I had to go to emergency. Everything was spinning really bad.
Tests and Results
The Doctor that was on duty told me I had a bad case of vertigo, but out of respect for my medical history, decided he wanted to do a brain scan. I was sitting on the bed by myself, my wife had to drop me off at emergency cause our daughter was just two years old at the time.
About an hour later when the vertigo had subsided, the Doctor was heading toward me with a clip board. Now, you wanna talk about how powerful the mind is. When he got about 10 feet away from me, he started to slow down, like in slow motion. Maybe not in reality but definitely in my reality.
He sat down on the bed and told me that my brain scan was fine!! I had a tear trickling down my right cheek, as all I could think about was my baby girl at home. He shook my hand and told me to go home and enjoy my family.
Still, No Change
I wish I could tell you I was fine after that, but that wasn’t the case at all. I still had my headaches, I never got vertigo again but my balance was off for the next few months and I was starting to experience fatigue, for days at a time. In my mind if I didn’t have cancer then I definitely had some sort of auto immune disease.
My family doctor booked an MRI for me and I’ll never forget. I was laying down when the phone wrang and I knew it was him before my wife even answered. He told me that there was an abnormality on my brain. He sometimes said this would happen, but it was rare and he wanted to do a spinal tap to check for cancer.
Was I right all along? I just turned 40 years old. Things were definitely getting weird and very scary for me.
Fast forward to the lumbar puncture (spinal tap) the specialist called me up and said the fluid was clear. That there was no sign of any infection or cancer. They wanted to do another MRI in 3 months time to see if everything was fine.
What is Wrong With Me?
I was so afraid walking into get my second MRI results. If I had cancer, how bad was it? If I didn’t then I was ready to start over with such gratitude, but if it’s not cancer then what’s wrong with me?
The oncologist said my MRI was normal. She said I’m not sure what’s going on with you but it’s not cancer. I left that office so relieved and grateful and what ever was going on at least I was gonna live.
How could I have so many physical symptoms but my test results come back normal?
I started to think back a few years when I started entertaining those negative thoughts.
Is this stress? Is the mind that powerful? and can it cause physical symptoms?
I can tell you this. It’s 8 years later and I have no physical symptoms. It wasn’t overnight. Remember if you walk 20 miles in the woods it’s gonna take you 20 miles or more to get back out.
Living In the Solution
Our minds are stronger than we think. I never thought my stress could turn physical. Try this as a test. Really focus on biting into a juicy lemon. Your mouth starts to water just thinking about it. Or ever hear an old song and it takes you right back to the moment In time when you heard it. Where you were, or who you were with.
I don’t google my symptoms anymore. I wish I had this knowledge back then or someone to help me, but then again I wouldn’t be were I’m at today. I meditate everyday and try to stay in the moment as much as I can and feel as much as I can.
When we live in the problem it never gets solved.
When we live in the solution there’s never a problem.
95% of the things we think are gonna happen never do. Just remember that. If you have been through anything like this and you feel like sharing, please leave a comment. Sign up your email so we can all talk about our stress and help each other.
If you are going through something like this or just stressed in general and have a question or comment. Please get it off you chest. That’s why I built this website. So we can all get better together. Together we can all stress less.