Parenting is tough. If you are a parent I don’t have to tell you this. I am writing this article at my daughters grade 5 graduation dance. Fifty kids dancing and screaming. I definitely put myself to the test writing in this environment. Like a lot of my other posts staying calm or having patients can only happen if your aware or mindful. This can be difficult with a child. So how to stay calm as a parent?
Communicating with our Kids
How we communicate with someone is going to determine our relationship with that person. How we communicate with our kids is going to determine how they are raised. Kids are products of their own environment. They are the product and we are their environment. Communication is when you are able express and agree on something with somebody. Or coming to a mutual understanding. What most people don’t understand is that listening is the most important part of communication. If we don’t understand. We can’t respond correctly. This is why we react instead of respond, which can lead to getting upset and impatient.
As a parent one of the biggest mistakes we can make is talking at our kids instead of talking to them. When you talk at them, you’re just voicing your frustration. Even if it’s in a disciplinary fashion, the point or lesson is coming across aggressive instead of assertive. It projects fear or frustration into the child instead of showing understanding and a sense of respect. This can lead to a child becoming aggressive and argumentative because this is what they have learned from us.
Dealing With Frustrations and Triggers as a Parent
Lets take a moment and think of a few things that can make us frustrated when it comes to are kids.
- Kids get upset and whine: Depending on their age and how strict a parent you are, kids especially at a younger age get upset and whine. This is usually an automatic trigger for us, as parents to get upset as well. When we are frustrated we don’t think clearly and usually just end up trying to fix the whining instead of the problem. Take a deep breath. This pause resets everything. Now we can look at the problem. We can now deal with why they are upset instead of dealing with the yelling and crying. We can also have more clarity on the situation and deal with it assertively.
- Kids not Listening: If your kids don’t listen to you then you are going to be frustrated. Being in control doesn’t mean yelling at our kids. In fact that’s out of control. Your kids might listen temporarily out of fear. Or get frustrated, but they will never learn. If you are assertive with your kids and show them mommy or daddy means business and follow it up with some consequences then they will listen. Especially if you do this on a consistent basis.
- Not organized: It can be a very frustrating morning when your child’s homework isn’t done or they can’t find there favorite sweater. It’s a great idea to get your kids in the habit of laying things out the night before. Making sure all homework is done the night before. This is great structure and responsibility for them as well.
- I’m bored : Ok who has not heard this a million times? Kids today have so many things to do but there still bored. I’m not gonna go into the way it was, like how my parents were, however it is so important to have your child involved in something. A sport, piano lessons ETC. It teaches them commitment and responsibility and over time gives them stability.
These are all things to be aware of. Know what your triggers are that stress you out as a parent and you will be able to deal with them better. Knowledge is power.
Make the Change
Once we have better communication and are aware of our frustrations and triggers, we can make the change. Change is hard. Not the decision to change. That’s easy. If you know changing something will better your life then you will do it. It’s consistency that’s hard. We make changes all the time but we end up falling back into the same patterns and routines.
Take it day by day. Remember it’s gonna take your kids time to get used to this knew assertive you. Be fair and understanding, but under no circumstances once you made your decision in a calm and if need be assertive manner. Never go back on your decision. This will not only destroy your credibility, but it also takes away a very important lesson from your child and that is taking responsibility for their own actions. They will encounter this lesson their whole life. From school to work. So starting today let’s show are kids and teach them instead of preach to them. Kids will learn and comprehend things better when there in a good mood and not upset.
Finding a Balance
Pick and choose your battles. Decide what’s really important and what issues are gonna need guidance. Some things kids just need to work out on their own. When dealing with a problem give your child a chance to voice his or her opinion. If they feel more involved in the process then they will be able to respect the outcome more.
Honesty is my most important quality in life and for parenting. When my wife and I give our word or a promise to our daughter, We never break it. Even if it compromises us or her in any way shape or form. It has taught her that even when it seems easier to lie it’s not. It becomes this burden that you have to hang onto and potentially cover up with another lie.
We have also excused punishment because of honesty. We have a very honest and open relationship. If she comes to one of us about something she has done wrong, as long as its nothing major (so far so good) then as long as she learns from it and doesn’t repeat it we may let it go. If are kids are afraid or don’t feel comfortable coming to us and being honest, then we are at a disadvantage raising them. We want to raise our kid not the schoolyard. How about you?
I hope this article was helpful in some way.
If you have any questions feel free to last. Please remember to leave a comment if you feel comfortable. The more comments, the more Facebook and google will share articles like this so it can get out the and help people stay calm and stress less.